Monday, 4 February 2013

The High Price of Freedom

Happy days, Tony’s finally gone I'm free to do as I want with whom I want and when I want.
Things were definitely looking up. I started to see friends again and had quite a few nights out and nights when friends came over. I met someone, it wasn't serious and was never going to be but he flattered me and made me laugh and to be perfectly honest thats all that he did but it was all I wanted. Regardless it had the desired effect and helped to nudge my self-confidence back in the right direction.
Tony started skype-ing our children occasionally. I had to suffer all the “how could you do this to us to me, I love you all” over again and again. I continued to stand firm though.
Tony had become a little more persistent and almost desperate in his pleas. Around this time I had arranged a night out with a gentlemen friend. That afternoon I was with a close friend and we joked that knowing my luck Tony would turn up just as my friend came to pick me up. I swear you couldn't write it. Within a matter of minutes of my friend leaving, Tony appeared at my living room window. Well to say I was shocked and terrified would be an understatement.
I left him to have five minutes with our kids, more really because I couldn't breathe and didn't know how I was supposed to react. I walked to the corner and phoned my friend, who came straight back to console me. I finally found the courage to face him. So I came home, to a barrage of abuse, I was rude; he had come all this way to see me how dare I walk out without even saying hello. He was getting more and more agitated, while was having a groundhog day moment. I'd been here before so many times. I had clearly become so relaxed in the three months he'd been gone that I had as good as forgotten how things had previously been.
That afternoon turned into a nightmare. Tony tried to kidnap our children. Fortunately any semblance of intelligence left both my friend and myself and we pursued him and cut him up with the car as I snatched one child my friend grabbed the other. Tony started shouting and swearing and making threats to my friend, who clung to my youngest child in the hope that he would realise that his child was terrified and stop. He didn’t.
We finally got away with the children who ultimately spent the night at my parents as they were too scared to come home.
I cancelled my night out, I couldn’t face it. I spent the rest of the evening in fear. I was receiving text messages every 30 seconds. They started abusive but quickly became apologetic and groveling. Would I please meet him at the pub just to talk? He missed me, he loved me bla bla bla.
I gave in and I met him. I actually ended up feeling quite sorry for him. Manipulation strikes again. Despite the unhealthy nature of our relationship he was still the father of my children and for their sake I had to be the bigger person. So I agreed that during his five day visit he could spend some time with the children. He did, he also hung around me and very quickly reverted to type. Two days into his visit, I refused to have anything to do with him. This was never received well.

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