Having barricaded the door the house seemed quiet. I decided that Tony had had enough, he must have thought that he had made his point sufficiently well. I was being spared any further attack. I climbed into bed, totally exhausted. The adrenaline was starting to wear off.
As I lay in bed just on the edge of sleep, I heard someone climbing the stairs. I felt sick to the pit of stomach; my heart was racing and the sound of the beat echoing in my ears. As the panic grew my breath somehow escaped me. I have never known anticipation or fear like it.
Tony started banging on the bedroom door, I asked him to leave me alone, to go away. I could sense his determination to get into the room. He slammed the door each time the furniture I'd stacked moved a little further away creating a slightly larger gap. I'd never known him be so persistent before.
He got in. I was desperately trying to get up and out of the room, trying to pass so I could run away. I saw something in his eyes that I have never seen before. I'd known this guy for four years and in that moment I genuinely did not recognise him. I couldn't get past him. He caught me and grabbed me and threw me onto the bed.
Tony then pinned me to the bed. He sat astride me, pinning my legs with his legs and feet, he held one arm down with his hand and his other arm was across the top of my chest to prevent me sitting up. He was on top, he had complete control.
Tony then began demanding that I say "sorry", he made the same demand 6 maybe 7 times. To this day I don't believe that I had or have anything to apologise for. Each AND every time I refused I was punched with incredible force to the left hand side of my face. Tony punched me so hard that in the process he managed to break three teeth.
How I managed to stay awake I just don’t know, I do know that I have never felt pain like it despite having given birth twice. Once Tony realised that I simply wasn’t going to comply with his request for an apology he changed tack.
He told me repeatedly that he was going to kill me, that he was capable, that he hated me, that my children hated me, that he could do the time, all twenty years and that it would be worth it. I have never ever heard some speak with such venom in their voice, in fact he no longer sounded like Tony it was like he had been taken over (I most certainly am not making excuses here just trying to explain the change). This is when Tony tried to gouge out my eyes. While saying that my children hated me and that I didn’t ever deserve to see them again he jammed his index fingers into the corners of each eye and tried to pop my eye balls out. I was really starting to get desperate I needed to try at least try and get him off me. I had tried wriggling and thrashing all to no avail. I lashed out and grabbed at the side of his mouth pulling on the corner of his mouth, if I can just distract him enough. Well I succeeded momentarily, he flinched, forgot about my eyes, instead he bit my finger.
I had clearly incensed him further. All I could think about was my two beautiful babies, who I would never see again. Who would explain this to them and how.
Tony was screaming at me threatening to kill me over and over. He was grabbing at me trying to pin me to the bed and when I wouldn’t keep still he punched and slapped me across the face. Worst was still to come.
Tony grabbed me by the throat with two hands and squeezed, it hurt, I panicked, I couldn't breathe properly. It was getting harder and harder to breath. I felt faint. No no I can’t pass out not now. I found just enough strength to shake myself just enough to put Tony off balance. He had to let go.
I now started screaming and shouting as loud as I could for anyone that might hear. I then remembered that Tony’s children were in the room next to us. I screamed his eldest childs name over and over please come and help me. Tony grabbed my pillow I could see it coming out of the corner of my eye I screamed one more time louder this time as the pillow landed on my face.
Tony’s eldest child had saved me. He had begged his dad to get off me and leave me alone and eventually he did. Just as I was about to lose consciousness for the last time.